Scrawl Me: Betrayal/Accountability...

Through the entirety of Agents Of Chaos, Owari has been the hardest to write. First, I couldn't find the root, then I couldn't grasp the theme. I was all over the place when I started this one. Because of this, I ended up scrapping the entire first half only to start over from scratch. (Which I absolutely loathe)

When situations like this arise, I tend to take on a "When in doubt, journals" mindset so I began combing through back entries. This action led to the unearthing of Owari's two central themes: Betrayal and accountability. Honestly, for how often these topics get dragged to the table in therapy, it's kind of laughable that it took me this long to choose...

BETRAYAL

At the start of Hajimari, I was dealing with two different versions and I wanted to explore how those situations made me feel only I needed a little more growth mentally before I could tackle them without any sort bias

*** False betrayal: This is the kind of betrayal that we as people find it hardest to deal with. We've all been there. We perceive it as a betrayal because we've decided it was and the majority of the time, without context. We're reacting to our emotions. Through therapy, I've come to see this particular betrayal as less of a wrong in my life. As a matter of fact, it ended up being the best thing for me because it kept me safe

*** True betrayal: You know what they did. They know what they did. The checkout girl at the grocery store knows what they did. Nah, let's be real and let's be honest... Every ear that will have you knows what they did. No amount of therapy will change this narrative because this one is real. All you can do is work/grow through it because if you don't, as with all things mental health, it will leave a mark on you…

One that'll never fade away

ACCOUNTABILITY

*** Blame is easy. Accountability is hard. That's the mantra that I've been repeating since before I set foot in therapy. Pointing out other people's missteps is so easy. More times than not, it can be done without missing a beat. Looking inward is hard because nobody wants to see themselves as the villain; especially not in their own life story.

At the very beginning, when Agents Of Chaos was just a concept, before I'd even decided there would be three parts, I knew it was going to be one of the hardest things I've ever taken on because in mapping out the roots, I knew I was choosing to take on myself. As mentioned in a past "Scrawl Me…", I've done this several times through written works, but this time was different. This involved more than just my therapy sessions. This involved combing through my journals which I used to have no problem doing, but for some reason, in starting Agents Of Chaos, it became a chore. Everything I read felt like a war between where/who I used to be versus where/who I am now, but I was diligent. I wanted to ground the entire series in reality. Time traveling reality, but a reality nonetheless!

For Owari, this last part, I wanted to tackle what it's like to live with secrets and I knew the secret had to come from Luminous. In a different entry, I mentioned it represents therapy so I knew that it had to be kept within those walls. You have to start in house with accountability. First yourself, everybody else last. How can you hold people accountable if you won't accept where you play a part? Sounds hypocritical, but that's just an observation on my part.

So yeah, all of this is to say that our ending themes have FINALLY been chosen...

Betrayal & Accountability