We all mourn differently.
It’s a fact of life that I believe gets brushed to the side more often than it should.
Last week I started covering what it’s like to truly let go and no, I don’t mean after a death specifically. We mourn so many things, even if we don’t realize it. Be it friendships, relationships or family fall outs, at some point, you feel it. You just do.
With Agents Of Chaos slowly becoming a therapy assignment, this became a topic I wanted to explore. As a people, we can’t force the day that we’re ready to let go of certain nouns. (Meaning person, places, things or ideals outside of our own) Sometimes we struggle to move on even when these things are no longer in sight. We tend to err on the side of “out of sight, out of mind”, but what about when it isn’t? When we find ourselves left behind, especially when the act feels unexpected, oftentimes, we find it hard to let go. We want answers. No, what we really desire is closure, but what if that’s not an option?
I wanted to talk about what it’s like to know you need to let go but for whatever reason, just the thought of loosening your grip causes you to hold on tighter. In some cases, the very idea can feel paralyzing. You have this tiny voice poking at your thoughts, reminding you that you’re supposed to be walking away but in reality, it feels impossible. Your feet stay in the same position, frozen in a place in time that no longer exists.
Now that I’ve had time to truly think on it, I think that’s why I decided to step up to the challenge of time travel. Just about everyone I know, including myself, has that one “If I could do it all over again” moment and more times than not, it involves a situation that they haven’t moved on from yet. In my eyes, this was a topic that needed a voice.
For me, as previously mentioned, Agents Of Chaos has become a voice for things I have a hard time covering in therapy. I don’t discuss loss often and I’m not sure why. I’ve dealt with many forms and versions of the mourning process but for some reason, I don’t really discuss it. Giving these themes a home in AOC has given me a place to talk about what it’s like to mourn situations be they from something as forever as death or as final as someone walking out of your life…
Even if it feels as if a part of you is still holding on...
Without giving too much away, I took Z's character arch and expanded on what it's like to know you have to move on. As mentioned a few entries ago, I wanted to talk about how if my friend were alive, she wouldn't know me. By expanding on Z's character arch, now I'm able to discuss different versions of growth…
Especially moving on. I want to emphasize this because when you move on, it leaves a mark on you. Over time, the mark fades but depending on the situation, you never truly forget it was there
2 commentaires